Dear Jake,

I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven't started yet. This feels so familiar. I don't think I'll ever get my life back together sometimes. It's coming up on spring break. I don't feel we spent enough time together last year as you were going through your short-lived Theresa phase. I wish we could spend this break together. Hell, I wish we could spend every day together. I know you are going to Miami, I think with Frankie. I know you'll probably cheat on your girlfriend. It's not that big of a deal, I suppose, and it's really just your style. I wonder if that will screw you up again. I wonder if you'll lie to her, or break up with her. On the one hand, I hate her. Call it biological, call it territorial, call it jealousy. On the other hand, I feel sorry for Judith. I don't know her. I can't really hate her as a person. She's just a kid. I wonder if she loves you. I wonder if you'll hurt her, or rather, when you'll hurt her. She's young though, she'll get over it sooner rather than later. But it will still hurt her. I wonder how much it will hurt you. I wonder if every time you do this, this thing that you do, if you become less likely to find what you are looking for. I know every mistake you make makes you feel despicable, even stupid things that everyone does. I wonder if you'll go home and just settle into that life, back with all the people who weren't enough to begin with. I wonder if you'll ever be happy.


I wonder if I'll ever be happy again. Not just content, you know, like I was before there was you, but happy.


I wonder.